In the middle of my highschool years, I fell in love, got pregnant at 16, and married shortly after turning 17. I was sure life would be forever blissful for my beautiful little family.
My marriage began to crumble apart almost immediately and was in complete shambles by the time my first child was born. I found out shortly after my baby's birth that I was pregnant again.
I went to Planned Parenthood where they played on my emotions and fed me the lie that they would help me take care of what they called a crisis. They only gave me one solution. Abortion. I bit into the lie and squelched any moral resolutions. I still remember the day we went to the abortion clinic. Fearful girls just like me filled every chair. The staff had smiles and were cold and devoid of any true joy. It was all so fake to me and I could not shake the feeling of sorrow and emptiness all around. Even the nurse holding my hand during the process was so void of any sincere emotional support.
The one thing I remember about the doctor was how ready he seemed to be to move onto the next patient in line. It was like a foggy sad dreary dream. Afterward, my husband and I drove home without speaking a word to one another.
A few years later, my husband and I had become Christians. I found out I was pregnant again for the third time and was so thankful and grateful to the Lord for this precious life. What I didn't realize was the heartache I was about to experience from the one child I gave up to abortion. Terrible grief overwhelmed my soul. I knew Jesus had forgiven me but I could not get past the horror of what I had done to an innocent fragile baby. My baby. My womb.
I was supposed to protect this sweet one. Guilt and shame covered over me and silence were the chains that bound me tight for 40 years.
One day after hearing Seren's story, I gave her a call and told her I wanted to help with the ministry She Found His Grace. She told me I had to go through the classes first so I could experience true healing. I needed to bring my wound into the light and stop hiding in shame. God wanted to redeem this broken place in me and use it for His glory. This is exactly what I found through this ministry. Healing. Freedom.
Redemption. My voice is not silenced any longer!
For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, " will confess my transgressions to the Lord" and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.