When Christmas Leaves a Silent Ache You Can’t Explain

For some, Christmas doesn’t feel warm or comforting.

It feels heavy.

It’s the kind of heaviness that’s hard to name, the kind that settles quietly in your chest and makes you want to pull away. You may find yourself dreading the season, avoiding gatherings, skipping traditions you once loved, or wishing the holidays would pass quickly so the ache would quiet down again.

You might wonder: Why does Christmas feel like this for me?

If you have experienced abortion, this season can awaken a grief that has never fully had space to be acknowledged.

And that grief often shows up silently.

Why Christmas Can Feel So Hard After Abortion

Christmas centers on life, birth, and hope. Even when we don’t consciously connect the dots, our hearts do.

The songs, the nativity scenes, the focus on babies and family, these moments can touch a place inside that remembers loss, even if you’ve tried not to.

This doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. It doesn’t mean you aren’t healed enough. And it doesn’t mean you don’t love Jesus.

It means unresolved grief is being stirred.

Grief after abortion is often complicated because many were never given permission to grieve in the first place. You may have been told it was the right choice, that it was necessary, or that it shouldn’t affect you the way it does. But grief doesn’t disappear because we silence it, it waits.

Christmas has a way of bringing it to the surface.

How Avoidance Often Shows Up This Time of Year

When something hurts and we don’t know why, our nervous system tries to protect us. Avoidance becomes a coping tool.

You may notice yourself:

• Wanting to skip Christmas events or church services

• Feeling numb or detached during celebrations

• Overworking, over-scrolling, or staying busy to avoid quiet moments

• Feeling irritable, anxious, or overwhelmed without a clear reason

• Wanting the season to be “over already.”

They are signs of a heart trying to survive pain it hasn’t yet been allowed to process.

Avoidance isn’t the problem, it’s a signal.

What You May Actually Be Experiencing

The silent ache many feel at Christmas after abortion is often a combination of:

• Unacknowledged grief

• Loss without closure

• Shame that keeps pain hidden

• A longing for healing you may not know how to access yet

This ache isn’t asking you to push harder or pretend more.

It’s asking to be seen.

And when grief is finally given language and space, it often softens, not all at once, but gently, over time.

What Can Help During This Season

If Christmas feels heavy, you might want to consider this.

Lower expectations. You don’t need to feel joyful to honor the season.

Name what’s happening inside. Even saying, “This is hard for me,” can be a powerful first step.

Create intentional space. A quiet walk, journaling, or sitting with the Lord can help you listen to what your heart is trying to say.

Give yourself permission to seek support. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means no longer carrying the weight alone.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Ache by Yourself

If this season has stirred grief, you are not alone, and you are not the only one who feels this way.

We offer a private, supportive community called I Regret My Abortion, created for women and men who are navigating these very emotions. It’s a place where you don’t have to minimize your pain, have the right words, or rush healing. You can simply come as you are. Or you can text our helpline at 574-400-5272 to talk to someone who understands.

Sometimes the first step toward peace isn’t answers, it’s being understood.

A Reminder This Christmas

Jesus was born into a world full of brokenness, grief, and unspoken pain.

If Christmas feels heavy for you, it does not mean you are far from Him.

It may mean He is near, inviting you into healing, one step at a time.

You are seen. You are not weak .

And healing is possible.