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Writer's pictureSerena Dyksen

"Why Do You Need To Heal, It's Been 30 Years?"

💔 "Why do you still need to heal? It’s been 30 years." 💔

If your spouse is struggling with pain from an abortion decades ago, it might be hard to understand why it still feels so present. Here’s some perspective to help you understand what might be going on in their heart:

Abortion pain doesn’t fade with time. For many women, abortion is a wound that remains unresolved because they’ve been carrying it silently. Your spouse may have buried their pain for years, believing they had to “move on” or that no one would understand. But time doesn’t heal what’s never been spoken or processed—it often makes it harder.

Triggers bring the pain rushing back. Your spouse might seem fine most days, but a newborn baby in the family, a song, or even a memory can bring back overwhelming feelings of regret or grief. These triggers make the pain feel fresh, even decades later.

Shame keeps them silent. One of the hardest things about abortion is the shame that comes with it. Your spouse may feel like they can’t talk about their experience openly, fearing judgment or misunderstanding. That silence can make the pain grow heavier over the years.

Healing is for today, not just the past.



Seeking healing isn’t about living in the past—it’s about finding freedom in the present. When your spouse expresses a desire to heal, it’s a sign of courage and a step toward building a stronger, healthier future for both of you.

What You Can Do as a Spouse:

1️⃣ Listen without judgment. Even if you don’t fully understand, your willingness to listen shows love and support.

2️⃣ Ask questions with empathy. For example: “Can you help me understand what you’re feeling?” or “What can I do to support you right now?”

3️⃣ Understand the need for healing. Just like physical wounds need attention, emotional wounds do too. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means finding peace.

4️⃣ Encourage their healing journey. Let them know you’re proud of their bravery to seek help, whether it’s through a retreat, counseling, or a support group.

📞 If you’re unsure how to support your spouse, we’re here to help. Call 574-400-5272 for guidance and support.

🌟 Healing is possible for both of you, and it begins with understanding.



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