I had an abortion because I valued my body abovce my baby's body. I valued my choice more than the precious life of my unborn child. I had an abortion for the sake of my image and in order to avoid unfavorable outcomes. The truth is my baby became a living sacrifice for my own selfish will so that I could continue living how I wanted to without restraint. Nervous, anxious, and afraid as I was that day, the clinic workers seemed like a saving grace as I walked into the clinic, but in the waiting room I was faced with the truth. A variety of nations and ethnic groups were represented in the waiting room, but there was one common denominator between them all. It didn't matter what ethnicity they were, every man in the waiting room was at the hands of the women as they vouched for the lives of their unborn children, because they were told they didn't have a choice as to whether their children lived or died. The father of my baby wasn't any different. He was emotional, but I was like a shell, numb, and emotionless. As a last attempt to feel something, anything at all, I asked to see my baby's ultrasound, in which the clinic worker did not want to let me see. She told me I was 8-9 weeks along. I learned later that the ultrasound picture that she ended up flashing before my eyes must have been a very zoomed out version of my baby. I had become pregnant in July and it was November when I went to the clinic. After the abortion procedure, I lie there contemplating my life next to several other women who had also ended the lives of their unborn children. "Is this real life? My baby is gone!" | thought. "I will take this secret to the grave with me!" Meanwhile, the clinic workers were chatting about what they did on Friday night. I left the clinic feeling a mixture of relief and sorrow. As time went on, my relationship with my unborn child's father became increasingly toxic until it finally crumbled. As a result of the pain and trauma, I turned to promiscuity and alcohol to drown out my grief. It wasn't until I gave all of that up to follow Jesus Christ that I found healing and forgiveness from my abortion. He brought my now husband into my life to be a listening ear and shoulder to cry on when I needed it most. I eventually found She Found His Grace online and went through their healing classes. God used She Found His Grace to break off the ties of shame and fear of what others would think, and to bring me into a place of true freedom. Since going through healing with She Found His Grace, I can freely share my story of how I found his grace.
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